How Do I Change My Life And Start To Be Happy Again After So Much Depression?
I’m 24 years old. In the last 4 years by life has changed so much that every time I try and recover an other obstacle comes in my way. I feel so depressed I’ve lost all confidence and belief in my life.
When I was 21 I graduated from university with a Law degree, I really wanted to be a solicitor. However, just after I graduated my girlfreind fell pregnant. I though ok, not a problem, we will sort this out, I don’t have to train yet, I can take another job for 2 years and when I’ve saved enough I can carry on with this.
Anyway, I took a job in banking (something that I really didn’t want to do).But, I managed to save alot of money in a short space of time and decided to get engaged to my girlfriend and move in with her and my daughter. So, I put a deposit on an apartment. My family hadn’t been supportive of me having a child and I couldn’t rely on them for any help or guidance. In fact they made my life even worse, especially my father.
While I lived with them, me and my daughter became very close, I love her more than anything in this world. However me and my girlfriend started to argue alot. She had lied about alot of things that had hurt my feeling. After a few months she moved back in with her mother, taking my daughter with her. I was stuck in an aprtment that I couldn’t afford alone and was so hurt that someone who I had sacrificed everything for, even my own family would do this to me.
Anyway I had no choice but to move back home with my parents, bother and sister. My ex refused me to have access to Soraya and this hurt more than anything. Because we had split she made accusation after accusation that not only upset me, but disrupted my life at home and at work.
I knew that we had argued previously and I assumed that after a short while she would calm down and let me see soraya. I wasn’t with her anymore but still respected her enough not to hurt her. This never happened. Now I have no contact with her. I had to apply for contact through court which will take almost 6 months until I see her and that will only be in a contact centre.
My ex and her mom always tell my daughter that Im bad and that she shouldnt have anything to do with me. Such bad words to say to a 3 yr old about a father that she’s only spent limited time with. But I’m dealing with the legal side of things now.
Living at home is the worst, my father is aggressive, abusive and generally a nasty persoan that only cares for himself, he constantly tells me I have to move out even though we have a huge house and I have no money due to legal costs and arrears on the apartment. I feel I have not one person in this world thats on my side.
I used to be very good-looking, charming and happy with lots of freinds. Over the last year I’ve gained almost 70lbs in weight, im so negative and because Im not happy with myself I think it alienates people, I guess Im just so distraught that the people I loved and care for the most turned out to be such bad, heartless people and I couldn’t accept it.
I think my friends get bored of hearing about it, thats why im writing this.
So does anyone have any ideas at all of what I can do to move on with my life and be happy again? I’ve tried everything.
Filed Under: Tips And Techniques To Get Her Back
First thing you can do is start getting plenty of exercise. You’ll lose the weight and it helps with depression.
You have to make the choice to change you situation. Let’s face it, people have really let you down! But your life is in your hands right now. You can move out of your parents home, even into a place that’s not so great for now. Just get out of that toxic environment! You’ve already filed papers for visitation or partial custody, right? So that’s already moving forward. And you need to find something that makes you happy. Maybe it’s going to church. Maybe it’s working out. Maybe it’s playing music. Whatever that outlet is, you need to incorporate it into your life before you get your daughter again. Because you have an amazing little daughter who is going to absorb your actions like a sponge. If you’re negative, she will be too. And you don’t want a crabby little girl running around! The future is yours for the taking. What happened in the past is in the past. You can’t dwell on it, you have to move forward. The only thing you can control in life is how you react to it. Choose to be a good person and find the positive in what you go through. You can do this. We’re never given more than we can handle. You just might not know how strong you are until you get back up. Best of luck:)
Take life one day at a time and enjoy it.
Wow, for 24yrs old you really have done a lot in your life and hey your young and i know you think you won’t get through this but you will. It all seems doom and gloom but there’s no need to suffer from depression as there’s help out there for it, after all its the most common illness of today during this god awful recession we’re in! If it gets any worse i suggest you pay your doctor a visit and tell them how your feeling and there’s nothing to be ashamed about. I’ve suffered from it in the past due to having a very low period in my life but things do get better with the right help. I suggest you focus on one thing at a time. Do you have any other family members or friends you could move in with to get away from your Dad? I’m sure someone would want to help you out under the circumstances. As for you weight, that can be resolved by doing some training. I know you can’t afford to join a gym or anything right now but you could take up jogging or something and believe me, you’ll start to feel good about yourself and it will give you something else to focus on, a space for your mind to relax. Its good for the body and mind! I know your feeling disillusioned right now with the unfortunate experience you’ve had but try and think positive, look at the glass half full rather than half empty. Get back in shape and start feeling good about yourself again, try and stay with someone else and take one step at a time regarding your other hurdles. Have the attitude that your going to kick butt and no one is going to beat you down, you’ll get there babes believe me. One day you’ll look back on this a wiser and stronger person! Good luck.
Firstly, you need to sort out your money problems. I assume you are working. Can you move away and board with another family? Not get an apartment, just a room with meals etc. There are plenty of people who would appreciate extra money and have a spare room. Just be sure to be clean, quiet and regular with your rent and it will be ok. This will get your father off your back.
Secondly, speak to the person / agent you rented your apartment from, apologise and explain that you cannot afford the rent any longer because you have lost your job. Be sure to say you have lost your job as this will impress on them that there is no point in taking you to court. If you have no money, you have no money, and they do not need to know otherwise. The lease can be broken by mutual agreement and the place can be relet. Be quiet and calm when you speak to them, just insist that if they do not agree to break the lease they will have to evict you anyway and will not gain from it. Leave the place clean and well kept as this will help them to think you are honest.
Thirdly, decide to show your ex up. When you eventually see your daughter she will know that you love and respect her by your attitude. It doesn’t matter how much her mother tells her, she will want a relationship with you as she grows up, as long as you are calm and quiet and loving when you do have your regular access visits. The more her mother complains, the more she makes herself look bad when your behaviour shows what a shallow person she is. You need to be patient, but this will be true, and one day your daughter will not need her mother’s permission, or the court’s, to see you. Trust Soraya, not the circumstances.
Fourthly, get an interest in life and lose weight. Join a gym and go regularly. The endorphins produced by your body during exercise will pick you up and make you feel good, and when you see yourself getting back into shape your confidence will grow again. Join a social club where you can meet other young women. Believe it or not, a good Church is full of attractive and respectful girls who know how to treat a loving man. Look in the right places, not where you’ve been before.
Lastly, get back to study. Do your degree and graduate as a lawyer. It’s what you want, so go for it. Show Soraya that you are in charge of your life and make her proud of her Daddy, so that as she grows she can see that you have your head together, but that all her mother does is complain. She may even ask to live with you later on.
You got this far without collapsing. You can do it, and the rewards will be wonderful!
Good luck!
Koala
True Love by Thich Nhat Hahn
Start to live for yourself and not for others.
This does not mean abandon your responsibilities. It means observe yourself for YOU not for others approval or acceptance.
Eat Right for Your Type by Dr. D Adamo.
My heart goes out to you so much!! I used to be depressed, too. I grew up in an abusive home. I was desperate for someone to love me! Through all my pain I came to Jesus, and he is the best Friend I could ever ask for! He loves you more than anyone else can! We went our own way and chose separation from him, but he made a way for us to come back to him by dying for us! You can come to him if you believe he died for you and ask him to forgive your sins and turn away from them. If you give your life to him, he will never leave you or forsake you. He will laugh with you and cry with you. He will take your hand and walk with you!
There’s a great youtube called Lifehouse Everything Skit! I hope it’s a blessing to you!
I would say that you should find a support group for single fathers first then move into single parents. Concentrate of having a stable and consistent relationship with your daughter. She’s the most important person in your life right now and will remain that way forever. Don’t sweat the small stuff that you can’t change. Concentrate on yourself as well. Start with a gym membership. Then file for joint custody of your daughter. You have every right to be with your daughter just as much as her mother does. Make sure you are current on your child support too! That will go a long way in court if you’re asked if you pay support and whether or not you are current. Paying for diapers, clothes, etc does not constitute or eliminate the need for child support. That should be above and beyond. Don’t forget that.
In the end, you and your ex should really put your daughter first. She needs both her mother and her father. You guys should love your daughter more than you hate each other.
And yes, your friends are probably really growing tired of hearing the same ole stuff. Especially if you aren’t willing to do anything about it. Cuz to them, it’s just noise, static and whining.
Good Luck!